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GAA better than soccer
GAA better than soccer
Micheal Ó Muircheartaigh masterpieces
Diary of a certain Kerryman
Jokes
101 reasons why
G.A.A. is better than
Soccer
1. No soccer player can say this quote ever..."It's definitely, probably
the, one of the greatest days in Aherlow, in GAA circumstances"
2. Fitzgerald Stadium Killarney on a sunny day is one of the loveliest sights
in sport.
3. Bribery scandals.
4. Because the championship has always been the Championship. The League of
Ireland has had more new improved formulas than most washing powders. Indeed
it's not even the LOI anymore.
5. Because by and large GAA heroes don't turn into villains overnight. One week
this column would have happily borne Eric Cantona's children. The next week
Eric was playing with Manchester United and this column wouldn't give him the
time of day. Same old Eric both weeks though.
6. Most GAA players lead fuller lives than your average pro soccer player, thus
they have more to talk about and fewer clichés to use.
7. The PA announcer at Landsdowne Road soccer internationals need to be shot.
We hate the Mexican wave.
8. Bohs never in anything anymore.
9. The offside rule can be really tedious.
10. Andy Gray.
11. Jimmy Hill.
12. Micheal O'Murchearaigh.
13. No GAA team would ever wear a strip as vile as Chelsea's away strip last
season (1994 - 1995).
14. Nobody sings "you'll never beat the Irish" at GAA games.
15. When Jurgen Klingsmann did his witty diving celebration at the start of
the English season every lame brain in the game did the same thing for three
months. Why?
16. Since Dalymount decayed, professional Irish soccer has no place to call
home despite two World Cups and a Euro Championship.
17. RTE would never foist Brendan O'Carroll on the GAA viewership.
18. There is no piece of sporting equipment available anywhere that is as lovely
as a well crafted hurley.
19. Vinnie Jones would bawl like a baby if he ever came up against Brian Mullens
(Brian McGilligain, Brian Corcoran..) And that's just three Brians that spring
to mind.
20. If something goes wrong the GAA always comes up with some excuse. "The
crowd arrived too early" "The cat was sick" In soccer nobody
is ever to blame. Rioting in Landsdowne Road can be put down to what insurers
call an act of God.
21. The GAA may not appreciate its women as much as it should but at least we
all know who Angela Downey is. The most famous woman in English soccer is Dani
Behr.
22. It's hard to feel passionate about any sport that John Major feels passionate
about. Plus David Mellor never made love to anyone while wearing a GAA jersey.
23. "Clash of the Ash" was a lovely film about hurling. "Escape
to Victory" was a soccer film with Pele and Sly Stallone in it.
24. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.
25. Spivs. Who asked DISC to ask Wimbledon to move to Dublin anyway.
26. People working for Irish soccer clubs who double as scouts for English clubs.
Some mistake surely.
27. No soccer manager was ever as warm and as entertaining as Eamon Coleman.
28. No segregation at GAA matches.
29. No naff furry hats on men who should know better at soccer matches.
30. No naff jewellery on men who should know better at GAA matches.
31. There were 15,154 fans at Irelands last home World Cup game pre Jack Charlton.
Now you couldn't squeeze all the "real" fans into the Maracana with
a shoehorn.
32. The GAA player who performs in front of 70,000 at the weekend will be teaching
your kids on Monday or he'll be selling you meat or fixing your drains or representing
you in court. The soccer player who performs in front of 70,000 fans at the
weekend will be moaning about too many games and trying to sell you his personalised
brand of leisure wear.
33. GAA players don't sell stories to the Sun.
34. GAA players don't have stories that the Sun would like to buy.
35. Bungs.
36. Backpasses.
37. Barry Venison's dress sense.
38. Jack Walker can buy a league title. You can't buy an All-Ireland.
39. Penalty shootouts. What was wrong with the old interminable FA cup replay
sagas eg Leeds and Ipswitch 1975. Heartbreaking but memorable.
40. Jack Boothman doesn't care if America doesn't like GAA. Joao Havelange loses
sleep over it.
41. Nobody ever proposed making GAA goals bigger. Not even Charlie Redmond.
42. GAA nicknames are better: Sambo Hunter, Fat Larry, Babs, Bingo and so on.
Soccer players just add a Y to each others surnames.
43. The Munster Hurling Final.
44. The Munster Football Final.
45. Dublin vs Meath is a real local derby. What does Liverpool vs Everton mean
to Jan Molby or Daniel Amokachi.
46. You always remember what county your Irish teacher came from.
47. We care so much about the weaker GAA counties that we sensitively refer
to them as the "so called weaker counties". English soccer just makes
the premier league smaller.
48. How many soccer players does it take to change a light bulb? Eleven. One
to stick it in. ten to hug and kiss him afterwards.
49. Why can nobody agree on the size of the crowd at domestic soccer games.
50. Under age players get to be part of the biggest days in hurling and football.
The Irish U21 team are sadly neglected. The "real' fan seldom turn up to
see them.
51. Soccer players go to Rumours. GAA players go to the pub.
52. If a GAA player ever jumped at a spectator like Eric Cantona did the rest
of his team would join in. So would the rest of the crowd.
53. You can't play a defensive game of football or hurling.
54. Razzmatazz. OK the Artane Boys band may be boring but why does it take Sky
3 hours to show a 90 minute soccer game.
55. Soccer players always describe the game they have just played in the same
guarded way. There is nothing like a GAA player cutting loose "He ate the
shite out of us" said an Offaly player of Eamon Cregans half time speech
in last years All Ireland.
56. The championship means summer. The FA (or FAI) Cup means winter.
57. DJ Carey in full flight.
58. Barry Fry, Ken Bates, Ron Noades, Robert Chase. Take your pick.
59. Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA.
60. Vinnie Jones grabbed Gascoignes testicles. Paudie O'Se decked Joe McNally
during the National Anthem. McNally learnt his lesson. Gascoigne just got worse.
61. Joe Brolly in full flight, on the field or off it.
62. Jimmy Barry Murphy was the coolest skinhead ever to grace a playing field.
63. There's nothing like seeing the bonfires blazing when a winning team reaches
it's home borders.
64. The GAA season always leaves you wanting more. The soccer season leaves
soccer people demanding less. Fewer games please.
65. Three points for a win is a distortion of the games natural balance.
66. "Soccer isn't a matter of life and death, it's much more important
than that" isn't such a witty thing to have said.
67. The GAA is just a part of life and death.
68. Gaelic Games is harder to play. Niall Quinn and Kevin Moran got out and
went to soccer. You never see anyone coming the other direction.
69. GAA players run faster, hit harder and last longer. Nobody acts like a grenade
just went off if they get tripped.
70. Soccer is so subtle that Wimbledon can win the FA cup.
71. There's no one quite so bitter as a soccer bigot.
72. They think Ryan Giggs is the new George Best. Sure sign of decline.
73. GAA teams are numbered one to fifteen, soccer teams read like the national
lottery results.
74. All soccer players wear shinguards. Some hurling players even wear helmets.
75. Ever penny we put into soccer stays at the top. Most of what we spend on
GAA trickles down.
76. The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is mainly about who you like.
77. A scoreless draw in GAA would be quite a novelty.
78. The GAA offer a journalist the chance to travel to Kerry regularly.
79. The GAA won't sell us all out by starting a European SuperLeague.
80. Under 13,000 fans attended the FAI Cup final. "Real" fans would
rather watch Wimbledon play AN other at a new characterless stadium built by
suits for suits.
81. Old soccer players get testimonials, Old GAA players just slip down to junior.
Dog rough it is too.
82. Bubble perms never made it to Croke Park.
83. Throw ins set the adrenalin pumping faster than tip offs.
84. GAA fans never have time for the Mexican wave.
85. Rupert Murdoch doesn't own the GAA.
86. Ghosted soccer biographies.
87. All of soccer works to filter the best players to the top teams. GAA sides
always get to keep their heroes.
88. Dual players still carry a certain romantic cachet.
89. The Dergvate, Gay Priors pub, Tommy Tubridy's, The Bradog, The Drovers,
MacGleogans, The Pound Bar, Mc Sweeney's.
90. No soccer team has a name quite as lovely as that belonging to Fighting
Cocks of Carlow.
91. Danny Lynch. The thinking person's PR man.
92. The InterToto Cup. The ZDS Date Cup, The Simod Trophy.
93. Guinness ISN'T inscribed in large letters on the Liam McCarthy Cup. Carling
IS inscribed in large letters on the Premier league trophy.
94. Doubling on an overhead sliotar is a more beautiful thing than volleying
a soccer ball.
95. Roy of the Rovers was a prat.
96. GAA goalposts cast nicer shadows on summer evenings.
97. There are always two men in white coats behind each goal at GAA games. Very
wise.
98. The new Cusack stand. We call it space age.
99. Sideline cuts, high catches, summer schools to define the tackle.
100. The Kerry 4 in row teams.
101. The Championship is here again.
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101 Reasons Why GAA is Better Than Soccer 2008 May
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Humorous look at the sports.
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